- Ellen Goodman
This quote so accurately describes my feelings about my life right now. Granted - I think I have taken care of some of it.
The clothes that I wear to work either come as gifts from friends, hand-me-downs, holiday gift cards, or the thrift store. People are sincerely amazed at the items I can find in the second hand stores.
Driving through traffic is something that I do every day now. This is a relatively new development, but a necessary one to deal with the last item. My commute is fifty miles one way and it takes me about an hour. That is two hours of my day that could really be spent doing something more productive. I have tried to put the time to good use and frequently take care of pleasantries - calls to friends and family that would otherwise not be made given the high frequency of chaos on either end of the commute. The gas money, though - ugh. Even if prices were to recede to a meager $3 per gallon - commuting alone at 25 mpg I would spend $60 per week on gas. This does not include trips to the grocery store or to pick up the kids or go to games at the highschool. And gas is not $3 per gallon. And my only operational vehicle at the moment gets 15 mpg. Which is why I am currently relying on the benevolence of my best friend and driving her car to and from the city every day.
I own two vehicles - A 1995 Jeep Wrangler with an I6 (15 mpg) and 1995 Eagle Talon TSI Turbo (28 mpg). They are both paid for. Sort of. My parents loaned me the money for the Jeep last year. When I moved to the ranch this summer I bought the Talon with a loan from my company profit sharing account ($60/paycheck to pay it back). Knowing the issues with the timing belt on a vehicle with an interference head (if the belt breaks it wrecks your valves = new engine) I immediately took the vehicle after paying $3500 for it and spent another $1200 having the timing belt replaced ($850) and some other work to get it into good shape. I knew this was imperative considering the 100+ miles per day I would be putting it through.
The shop that did the work also replaced the crank shaft seal and some other things as it was leaking some oil. When I drove it away it was running rough - which it wasn't when I took it in. So I took it back. They said that the idle error control motor was bad and needed to be replaced. I asked if it would hurt to put this off - they said no.
Soon after the car wouldn't remain running and I started driving the Jeep with considerable difference in fuel mileage. When I had the money for the part my roommate put it in. 24 hours later the car stopped in a major way. On examination sll of the belts were turning - except of course for the timing belt. Returning it to the shop has so far been fruitless. They say that the crank shaft was bent and it wrecked the timing belt and blew the engine. AND that even though they worked on both the crank shaft and the timing belt this couldn't POSSIBLY be a product of their work. *heavy sigh*
I have been trying to contact the owner of the shop since last week. He has not called me back. So the cars - I do own them outright. I have the titles. I don't have to pay for full coverage insurance - for all the good it's doing me.
The house - unfortunately I do still own it. And it is sitting vacant all the the time. My last roommate moved out at the beginning of September. I still have a few things that I have to move out of there. The lender has it on the list for foreclosure. So - you have to ask yourself at these times...
Was it ever worth it?
To work this hard. To have the house. To have the cars. To try and make it. To kiss ass and bend over and sell out on a daily basis to... do what? Keep the economy going?
I have a lot of anger about all of this. I've decided that I really need to take a serious look at my life - in spreadsheet format - and calculate the overhead required to live this way. How much money am I actually making? I don't know. I really don't. And that's disturbing. Sure - I know what my paycheck says. I know what my annual gross income is. But what I don't know for sure is the price of doing business. What is the cost to me and mine?
I'll focus on figuring that out this week. I think it may give me some answers. It might not be pretty, but I'll bet it will be real.
Normal is not something I ever wanted to be. It is certainly not anything that I want to pay for.
1 comment:
If it makes you feel any better. You aren't normal. In any way. You are blissfully, wonderfully, welcomingly not normal, and I love that and everything else about you.
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